Black smoke trailing from some botched potion class at Hogwarts, that’s the reference point. Just what does it smell like? I would submit a combination of squid ink and licorice with a little dried dragon’s blood thrown in for good measure, but there really isn’t anything like that on the market these days, although back in the day some people said that YSL’s M7 smelled sort of like it.
There are some fragrances that I personally find awful. Other people sometimes love them, and with perfectly good reason, they smell good on them, or remind them of something wonderful but they’re the fragrances that give me the fantods, as Huckleberry Finn would say.
Alien: Brian of I Smell Therefore I Am had a favorable review of the new Alien Essence Absolue, and Brian knows a thing or four about fragrance, so I stiffened my sinuses and I smelled and – I ran. Alien scares the heck out of me, it smells like the whole cast of The Real Housewives of New Jersey bearing down upon me when I am in the passing lane of the Garden State Parkway (which is scary enough). Nightmarish.
Interlude Man : This one is a very high grade smash up of quality ingredients and it smells like what would happen if I didn’t get out of the passing lane fast enough to accommodate those housewives; burning rubber, gasoline on fire, and New Jersey State troopers inspecting the mess. Also the stuff of nightmares.
New York Oud Bond No 9: This one received an award, which shows how much I know, but I also know that it took me all afternoon to power scrub it off my skin because of the willies it gave me. Margaret Hamilton would wear this.
Sensuous Noir Estee Lauder: This one I kind of like, but it still is scary as all get out. I once made the mistake of watching Animal Planet wearing it, specifically a show about infestations. A snake infested house was described as smelling bad when “the snakes released their musk”. I began to think that I smelled musk. Was I releasing musk? Possibly yes. Also I suspected “releasing musk” was a euphemism for passing wind. Farting snakes, it’s an image I can’t get rid of now, and that’s what I think of every time I spray the stuff. Which is very seldom; understandably.
Narcisse Noir: That one is creepy. Yes it is. It happens to be a masterpiece of sorts with the weird combo of orange blossom freshness over – what? Incense nag champa? I could never figure it out and yes I owned a bottle until that formula began to gaslight me just as badly as Charles Boyer did with Ingrid Bergman. I had to get it out of the basement, eventually I had to get it out of the house. Some perfumes are just spooky. That was one.
Five fragrances I never wear now, because frankly they scare me, but Halloween is the season of the irrational fear, and now you must excuse me as there are zombies at the back door.