You may have seen reference online to the new French perfume Prends Moi designed by the company Velds. The idea is that it not only makes you smell good, it makes you lose weight, which in its way, is kind of brilliant. (A more regular review is to be found on Perfume Smellin’ Things by the lovely Birgit, who actually road tested the stuff. My own heads-up came courtesy of the charming and perspicacious Angie (thank you, Angie!)
The French have always had a thing about body image. If you are fat in French, tu fais boum-boum. You have to go to all sorts of lengths not to faire this boum boum. But in the wake of the global obesity epidemic, it seems even the French are packing a few on. This has to be the case – otherwise, why on earth would anyone want to suppress the urge to snack in a place that has the world’s best pâtisserie? If you can’t snack in Paris, where can you snack? Pass the MacDos on the far side of the street is more likely to help – and now there is perfume.
I suspect there’s a catch. Some of you may recall the famous French diet book by Mireille Giuliano French Women Don’t Get Fat. It was full of helpful advice about dieting including eating leek soup (leeks are ace diuretics) and then limiting portion sizes drastically. You can have anything you want, basically, so long as whatever it is comes in a tiny spoonful. Quiche? Go for it. Mousse- no problem, grab your spoon and then put it down, you’re done. Do not repeat.
French Women Did Not Get Fat, it appeared, because French Women Just Didn’t Eat Much.
Nowadays, it seems, you can supplement this approach, or just ease the pain, with Prends Moi. So have your leek soup and spritz; spurn the baguettes and spritz; eat one spoonful of chocolate mousse and spritz, and well, between the spritzing and the not eating you are sure to lose weight.
As Generation X is entering middle age, you see the familiar struggles with middle aged spread, and Prends Moi is just another in a long line of cures for the overburdened waist band. I could be more sympathetic, but after all my generation had cocaine and vodka, and Generation X has…chocolatinis!
Anyway, if they really want to give us a cure for des kilos en trop, the French should engineer a perfume that smells like unfiltered Gitanes. That’s enough to put anyone off their food. Add a genuine appetite suppressant to that, you’d be in business. You’d look like Jean Paul Belmondo and not so much like Gerard Depardieu (and have you seen him lately?
Actually, somebody ought to send him a nice bottle of Prends Moi, although he’d have to wait for it as there’s a six thousand person waiting list of weight problems ahead of him on line.
Ah, screw it, I’m just gonna go light up a Gitane.