If I ever get to 100 years,I’m wearing Fifi Chachnil and damn the torpedoes, but what my dilemma is now, indeed what everyone’s dilemma across half the US is : what to wear in the heat?
Nothing is not an option. Sweat is not my favorite smell, and there’s too much of it about these days. Familiarity is definitely breeding contempt, at least it is in me. (Certain foreigners of my acquaintance like to make fun of Americans for being shower obsessed, but on days like these, those comments break down pretty fast. Ever been in a New York City subway in a heatwave? Not pleasant.)
And let’s have none of those airy, “Oh I don’t wear any perfume in the heat” statements, because you do so, it’s just the scent of Degree or Arm and Hammer if I’m lucky and downwind of you. I’d rather pick my own atmosphere, nothing’s a non starter. Here is my list of Frankenstein like experiments in the 95-103 degree F range. Some of it was downright scary on my skin.
What I tried: Mona di Orio les Nombres d’Or Oud. “No, no, no, no! Forget it, forget I mentioned it. I’m beginning to sound like Peewee Herman here. This may work in November BUT NOT NOW! I mean, Ernie Brown the Turtleman wears this, or smells like this, or something. Maybe you have to be a guy. But definitely not for me”
A Dozen Roses Electron: Very pretty and then- fabric softener. Pass.
Parfums de Niclolai L’Eau Mixte: This is sulfur on me. A chemistry experiment gone badly wrong, I have to move on.
CBIHATE PERFUME Tea Rose: Oh, the bliss! Thank you Mr. Brosius, I think I can get to sleep with this one on. Oh, the relief. CB’s I should say, don’t always work for me, but in the heat, they are a resounding success.
A Dozen Roses Iced White: Attractive for ten minutes and then slightly nicer fabric softener than Electron on me. The standouts from this line are Shakespeare in Love and Gold Rush, and this is not changing my opinion.
Strange Invisible Perfume: L’Invisible, A very strong ylang ylang that most unfortunately gives me a headache. No.
Strange Invisible Perfumes: Fair Verona But tell me not what orange blossom is this- for I have heard it all before, and this Mercutio of an orange blossom slept its clothes. Has all the passionate romance on my skin of the encounter between Mercutio and Juliet’s nurse, except for the fact that they had better chemistry.
Strange Invisible Perfumes: Epic Gardenia. Now this one is arresting. It has that moist possibly genuine gardenia extract (which does in fact exist and tends to smell slightly mushroomy and wet) like a garden in South Carolina after a rain storm. Not exactly cooling, but I can see wearing it all the same, easier on the nose than say, Les Nez Manoumalia.
The truth is that I am jonesing for some fruit in this weather. I don’t know why I don’t go and park myself next to a Papaya King stand just so I can be downwind of something cool and pulpy. Why oh why did Patricia de Nicolai discontinue Eau Exotique? Well, never mind, it’ll rain on Saturday.